Unbecoming Wonder Woman
As a child, I loved watching the old episodes of Wonder Woman. I’ve always enjoyed the movies and tv shows of superheroes (which has served me well as a mom of an 11-year-old boy), but Wonder Woman has always remained my favorite. Her fierce spirit, self-confidence, battle training, compassion for those less fortunate, and ability to take the bad guys out completely on her own draws me into her story. And, perhaps, I try to find connections with my own independence, my own need to right the wrongs, and my own desire for inner strength.
However, just this past week, I found the limits of my strength. I tried to lift something beyond my capacity to do so and ended up pulling ligaments in my back. The pain and the process of healing has required me to rest and allow others to step in and help. I’m not good with asking for help, so this is a chance to grow, right? I like working with others and don’t mind sharing the load, but allowing others to completely take over and do what I currently cannot do is something I definitely struggle with. Does this mean that I think too highly of my own abilities? Maybe. I can be prideful and stubborn in my own way at times. However, I believe this has more to do with guilt. I feel guilty that I’m not doing what I believe is my responsibility. I mean, shouldn’t I be out there with those who are laboring away on the ranch? Or even inside the house. Shouldn’t I be doing the dishes and laundry and making dinner? Ugh, it’s so hard to just sit and feel like I’m being waited on. Apparently, I like being busy and that’s probably a problem. It might mean that I’m finding my identity in productivity.
My identity needs to be sourced in the One who made me and seeks an ongoing relationship with me. Not in what I can and cannot do each day. It seems so easy, doesn’t it? This just resting in whose I am rather than what I can produce. Then, why is it so hard to walk out? And every time I try harder to push away the guilty feelings and the need to jump in, it seems like those just compound in my mind and get worse. And that’s because I’m trying to do it all on my own...yet again. So, I’m sitting down and resting. I’m asking God to give me a different sort of strength - the strength to find my identity in Him and to let others step in and help.
This wannabe Wonder Woman is setting down the metal cuffs, the battle shield, and the lasso for now and letting someone else take up the sword for a while. Does Wonder Woman ever take a vacation? I don’t know, but this one is. Maybe this is a good time to catch up on some superhero shows.