Learning to be an Executive Director
We're approaching almost one full year. One full year of Bright Side in operation as a nonprofit and me as the as executive director. Craziness, absolute craziness, to think where I was just a few short years ago and where I am now mentally, emotionally,and spiritually.
I honestly really didn't know what would come as an executive director. All the ups and downs and the stretching and trying to do everything all at one time. The balancing act of meeting the needs of programs and volunteers and donors and participants and even my family. This year, God called me forward and asked me to step into roles and circumstances I wasn't quite sure I was capable of handling. Horses, I get. Even kids and teenagers I get to a certain degree. But budgets and managing people and communicating vision and clarifying the cause - these are things that are too big for me to do on my own. I've learned to trust in God and lean on others in new ways. And for a girl with a quite the independent streak, it's been a learning process for sure.
More than once, found myself whispering to God: I'm not sure I'm the right person for this job. And sometimes those feelings of insecurity and inadequacies would take me down a deeper well where I would say to myself I don't have what it takes. I don't have enough of what it takes to make this work. And then that could spiral into I am not enough. But each time I would listen to these lies, I could also hear God tell me that He is enough. He just kept asking me to take one more step forward in faith and trust in Him to give me the strength that I needed and the wisdom I desired.
I thought the risk began and ended with the move to the Carolinas. And then I thought it began and ended with finding a property and purchasing 10 acres. Well, then the next big risk was whether or not to purchase the 5 acres remaining next door. And on and on it went: the big steps came along with the opportunity to continue to step forward in faith. And those were the big choices, the big decisions, looming in the distance. But there are everyday choices - choices that may not be equal in size but they are equal in the courage that it takes to face them. The truth is, each day there are decisions to make. I have the choice to continue to struggle with my inadequacies and feelings of not being capable enough, or I can step forward in faith trusting in God and knowing that He will give me the wisdom and the strength that I need. And He brings along people to be strong where I am weak and to share the load to do ministry together.
I don't remember anyone telling me that the price of a dream becoming a reality would be hard. Maybe they did and I just wasn't listening. But it is difficult. It requires sacrifice, hard work, and countless hours of thinking, praying, planning, communicating, listening, learning, stretching, growing, and leading. And I have had to let go of as many things as I have had to take on, and both are equally challenging. It isn't easy, and I have come face-to-face with many of my weaknesses. But in this process God has also revealed strengths and parts of myself that I either never knew existed before or I have not developed in a very long time.
There are still many days where I struggle with not being enough, but I am fully aware of One who is more than enough. When I am weak, He is strong. And may He receive all the glory honor and praise for anything good in my life and my heart in leadership at Bright Side.